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Quotes of the Day - Funny New Year's Quotes (Agata Urbaniak Photo)

The new year is a time for change and fresh beginnings. There are a wide array of funny New Year’s quotes that poke fun at New Year’s resolutions, the holidays, holiday diets, and New Year’s Eve parties.

Today’s quotes of the day are funny New Year’s quotes and sayings – ring in the new year with humor! These quotes about the new year are great for a homemade greeting card, a scrapbook page with photos from a New Year’s Eve party or you can add a funny New Year’s quote to the family Christmas card!

“New Year’s Day – Now is the accepted time to make your regular annual good resolutions. Next week you can begin paving hell with them as usual.” ~Mark Twain

“An optimist stays up until midnight to see the New Year in. A pessimist stays up to make sure the old year leaves.” ~Bill Vaughn

“The object of a new year is not that we should have a new year. It is that we should have a new soul.” ~G.K. Chesterton

“A dog’s New Year’s Resolution – I will not chase that stick unless I actually see it leave his hand!” ~Unknown

“New Year’s Eve – Where auld acquaintance be forgot…Unless, of course, those tests come back positive!” ~Jay Leno

Readers who enjoyed these funny quotes about New Year’s may also enjoy New Year’s Quotations – Quotes About New Year’s Resolutions, along with Inspirational Quotes About a New Year.

Woody Allen quotes are humorous...and a bit odd. Read on for today's quotes by Woody Allen!

Woody Allen is an Academy Award-winning director, playwright, actor, writer, comedian, musician and writer, known for his black framed glasses and his marriage to Mia Farrow. Woody Allen is known as a bit of an odd ball. In fact, only once did he ever acknowledge his Academy Award wins/nominations; he showed up unexpectedly at the 2002 Academy Awards ceremony, where he took to the podium to urge his fellow directors and actors to resume filmmaking in Allen’s native New York City following the 9-11 terrorist attacks.

Woody Allen is well-known for his wacky sense of humor, and Woody Allen quotes really reflect his unique view on the world. Today’s quotes of the day in the Great Life Quotes and Sayings Blog are Woody Allen quotes about…well, everything!

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“You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred.” ~Woody Allen

“I don’t want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying.” ~Woody Allen

“As the poet said, ‘Only God can make a tree,’ – probably because it’s so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.” ~Woody Allen

“How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?” ~Woody Allen

“I’m astounded by people who want to ‘know’ the universe when it’s hard enough to find your way around Chinatown.” ~Woody Allen