Life Quotes & SayingsFunny Quotations, Inspirational Quotes, and Sayings About Life, Love, Pets and More!

Lily Tomlin is best known as an actress and comedian. But Lily Tomlin is much more than that. Sure, she’s a producer, writer, Academy Award nominee, and winner of an Emmy Award, Tony Award and a Grammy Award.

But Lily Tomlin is one other thing – she’s quotable. Very quotable.

Over the years, Lily Tomlin has generated some wonderfully satirical, funny quotes about…well, everything! There’s great life quotes, job quotes, god quotes, and quotes about the tops of our feet.

So I’ve picked a few great quotes — funny quotes — from Lily Tomlin as today’s quotes of the day. Enjoy!
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“Why isn’t there a special name for the tops of your feet?”     ~Lily Tomlin

“Why is it that when we talk to God we’re said to be praying, but when God talks to us we’re schizophrenic?”     ~Lily Tomlin

“If I had known what it would be like to have it all – I might have been willing to settle for less.”     ~Lily Tomlin

“The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you’re still a rat.”     ~Lily Tomlin

“Reality is the leading cause of stress among those in touch with it.”     ~Lily Tomlin

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Mark Twain (1835-1910) — whose real name was Samuel Clemens — authored great pieces of American literature like Tom Sawyer and The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn.

But as Mark Twain quotes suggest, he was also a humorist who left behind many funny Mark Twain quotes that still have us laughing nearly 100 years after his death.

That brings us to today’s quotes of the day: funny Mark Twain quotations!

“It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt.”     ~Mark Twain

“Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.”     ~Mark Twain

“In the first place, God made idiots. That was for practice. Then he made school boards.”     ~Mark Twain

“In Paris they simply stared when I spoke to them in French; I never did succeed in making those idiots understand their language.”      ~Mark Twain

“Get the facts first. You can distort them later.”      ~Mark Twain