Life Quotes & SayingsFunny Quotations, Inspirational Quotes, and Sayings About Life, Love, Pets and More!

Woody Allen quotes are humorous...and a bit odd. Read on for today's quotes by Woody Allen!

Woody Allen is an Academy Award-winning director, playwright, actor, writer, comedian, musician and writer, known for his black framed glasses and his marriage to Mia Farrow. Woody Allen is known as a bit of an odd ball. In fact, only once did he ever acknowledge his Academy Award wins/nominations; he showed up unexpectedly at the 2002 Academy Awards ceremony, where he took to the podium to urge his fellow directors and actors to resume filmmaking in Allen’s native New York City following the 9-11 terrorist attacks.

Woody Allen is well-known for his wacky sense of humor, and Woody Allen quotes really reflect his unique view on the world. Today’s quotes of the day in the Great Life Quotes and Sayings Blog are Woody Allen quotes about…well, everything!

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“You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred.” ~Woody Allen

“I don’t want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying.” ~Woody Allen

“As the poet said, ‘Only God can make a tree,’ – probably because it’s so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.” ~Woody Allen

“How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?” ~Woody Allen

“I’m astounded by people who want to ‘know’ the universe when it’s hard enough to find your way around Chinatown.” ~Woody Allen

Lily Tomlin is best known as an actress and comedian. But Lily Tomlin is much more than that. Sure, she’s a producer, writer, Academy Award nominee, and winner of an Emmy Award, Tony Award and a Grammy Award.

But Lily Tomlin is one other thing – she’s quotable. Very quotable.

Over the years, Lily Tomlin has generated some wonderfully satirical, funny quotes about…well, everything! There’s great life quotes, job quotes, god quotes, and quotes about the tops of our feet.

So I’ve picked a few great quotes — funny quotes — from Lily Tomlin as today’s quotes of the day. Enjoy!
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“Why isn’t there a special name for the tops of your feet?”     ~Lily Tomlin

“Why is it that when we talk to God we’re said to be praying, but when God talks to us we’re schizophrenic?”     ~Lily Tomlin

“If I had known what it would be like to have it all – I might have been willing to settle for less.”     ~Lily Tomlin

“The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you’re still a rat.”     ~Lily Tomlin

“Reality is the leading cause of stress among those in touch with it.”     ~Lily Tomlin